Okay, I'm going to get a little self-indulgent here, so cut me some slack. Thank you. Anyway, so last week, I was sitting in my darkened Hell Octaplex watching Wanted -- a film which, to give it its due, is to intelligent action flicks what Kenny Loggins is to rock 'n' roll -- and suddenly a thought swept over me like a neural tsunami: You know what this movie needs? former Xena Warrior Princess star Lucy Lawless!!!

Of couse, this is sort of old news; people that know me are tediously aware that I often assert that all women -- past, present and future -- pale into insignificance compared to the awesomeness that is Xena, Warrior Princess/Lucy Lawless. I can actually recall the first time I had the insight -- about halfway through the first Xena episode I ever saw, in the fall of 1995. In the show, three huge hulking guys (a lot of the supporting actors on the series, which was shot in New Zealand, were Maoris, so if you've ever seen Once Were Warriors, you know what I mean) came after Xena/Lucy with huge hulking swords. She responded by leaping into the air and then floating serenely as she kicked each one of them in turn in the face before finally returning to the ground. The whole thing seemed to take about a minute and a half, and remember -- this was years before The Matrix enabled action heroes to violate the laws of physics at will, so she was clearly doing it for real out of sheer charisma. Frankly, I was an instant goner -- wotta gal! Later in the course of the series, Xena/Lucy smashed all the remaining laws of time and space by attending both the Trojan War (she and Helen bonded) and the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. Also along the way she found the time (despite that whole lesbian thing she had going with her surfer chick/gal pal/sidekick Gabrielle -- how's that for a Greek name?) to casually boink Julius Caesar. Like I said, all women pale...

Anyway, to get halfway serious for a minute, I was convinced that after the show ended Lawless would go on to be the next big female movie action star, but it just hasn't happened (and don't get me started about what she could have done if she'd been in 300). True, she's had a more than respectable career since then -- a funny cameo in the first Spiderman movie, a recurring role on the revamped Battlestar Galactica, doing the voice of Wonder Woman in an animated Justice League movie -- but for some reason, comparative non-entities like Angelina Jolie keep stealing the parts, as in Wanted, that are rightfully hers. Well, to this I say -- shame! Can Angelina Jolie do this?

I think not! Note to self: Pitch a musical version of The Oresteia -- starring Lucy as Clytemnestra -- to Roland Emmerich pronto!