Great Lost Films of the Eighties (An Occasional Series)
posted October 6, 2008 1:18 PM
Pop quiz: What's the coolest post-nuke apocalypse flick of all time?
With due respect to fans of The Road Warrior, A Boy and His Dog and Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared Syn (note: villain Jared Syn is not actually destroyed, and in fact escapes at the film's conclusion), I think most sentient mammals (and they know who they are) are in agreement:
Hands down, it's the 1988 classic Hell Comes to Frogtown, or as our friends at Cahiers du Cinema call it, L'Enfer Vient à la Ville de Grenouille. Starring wrestler "Rowdy" Roddy Piper and a bunch of guys dressed as giant mutant amphibians. With a plot essentially summed up by its title.
A war has devastated the earth, and intelligent six-foot frogs, now the dominant species, spend most of their time in their capitol, the titular Frogtown. The last remaining fertile human females are being held prisoner by the Frogtown elders; equally potent Mad Max clone Sam Hell (Piper) is sent to infiltrate the froggy stronghold and impregnate the females, thus saving our species from extinction. The kicker? He's fitted with a codpiece bomb; if he fails to achieve his mission, he can (literally) kiss his gonads goodbye. The film's esthetic high point: A protracted-in-the-molar Sandahl Bergman performs the notorious "Dance of the Three Snakes" for the aroused reptiles. Action star William Smith (who in better days was in Conan the Barbarian with Bergman) and 50s Western star Rory Calhoun also show up without dying of shame.
And in case you think I'm making this up, here's the trailer, including the aforementioned dance/frog porn.
After that, of course, any further exegesis by moi would obviously be superfluous. But I should note that HCTF spawned three sequels: Return to Frogtown (1993), Toad Warrior (1996), and Max Hell Frog Warrior (2002). I'm also told the original more recently inspired a Family Guy episode titled "Hell Comes to Quahog" but I might have been drinking when I heard that.
In any case, you can (and should) order it here; I haven't seen it myself, but the DVD is from Anchor Bay and in my experience their prints are always first rate (the disc also includes a commentary track by director Donald G. Jackson and writer Randall Frakes). Connoisseurs of the byzantinely crappy will also be pleased to know that the sequels are available for purchase as well; click the link if you dare.
8 Comments
Leave a comment

Steve Simels has written about music and movies for Sound and Vision magazine (formerly Stereo Review) since the early 70s. He has also contributed to Entertainment Weekly, TV Guide and the Wall Street Journal. He’s the author of “Gender Chameleons: Androgyny in Rock n Roll” (Arbor House, 1985), and blogs at PowerPop.blogspot.com. His ambition in life is to play the Leslie Howard role in a remake of “Petrified Forest.”

Great Lost B-Pictures of the Fifties (An Occasional Series)
Thanksgiving Weekend Cinema Listomania (Special Shiba Inu Mania! Edition)
Steve's Record Collection (An Occasional Series)
The Love That Dare Not Bare Its Fangs
Weekend Cinema Listomania (Special War is Sorta Hell! Edition)
Christmas Comes But Once A Year (A Recurring Series)
Gentlemen, Start Your TiVos! (An Occasional Series)
The Blood is the Life, Mr. Cullen
If It's Monday, It Must Be Shameless Filler (An Occasional Series)
Weekend Cinema Listomania (Special Stop! You Kill Me! Edition)

Aloys Kontarksy said:
Oh come on, you're making this up.
:-)
October 6, 2008 6:31 AM
Margaret said:
Wow. Just... wow.
On the other hand, this is something my adult daughter and I would enjoy in few-minute increments.
October 6, 2008 6:40 AM
dave™© said:
So why am I guessing "Hell Comes to Frogtown" did more in its opening weekend than "American Carol"?
October 6, 2008 6:42 AM
Ixnay Amscray said:
Actually, Rowdy Roddy was in a pretty great sci-fi film around the same time -- John Carpenter's "They Live", which is pretty prescient about our current political situation.
October 6, 2008 9:58 AM
anonymous in alaska said:
I'm not sure "They Live" holds up. I seem to recall that it had a lot of good ideas, but that it got bogged down in way too many fight scenes designed to get Piper's wrestling fans off.
October 6, 2008 12:33 PM
Who Am Us Anyway said:
I only saw it once, and that was back in the day – late 80s or early 90s – but there was what seemed to me at the time (don't worry, the subject of this sentence is coming right up) a fine, fine nuke movie called Miracle Mile out on VHS then, about a guy who answers the phone in a public phone booth (remember those …?) outside a diner (remember those …?) & so tumbles to the fact that L.A. is being nuked & thusly spends the rest of the movie trying to get his girlfriend out of town before the missiles arrive. It could qualify as a post-nuke movie on account of, in this flick, the apocalypse begins when the nukes launch, not when they land. Hey this reminds me that I’ve been wanting to see that movie again to see if I still like it.
October 6, 2008 3:13 PM
Steve Simels said:
Who Am:
Miracle Mile is one of the genuinely great overlooked films of the 80s. A haunting masterpiece, and yes -- it more than holds up.
October 6, 2008 4:04 PM
bill buckner said:
(Raises hand shyly...) Steve, I've actually SEEN this, as I once worked for a video distributor that specialized in all manner of straight-to-VHS crap. A whole lotta fun, and quite accomplished compared to some of the bilge that company spewed up. Let's talk Women's Prison Movies sometime! :)
October 6, 2008 4:29 PM